After Russia
by AutumnRain1
Summary: Harm returns from Russia and tells his family what happened. Is Mac going to be there for him? Read and find out.


Title:  After Russia        

Author:  Autumn Rain   

Email:  jaghrsm@aol.com

Summary:  Harm and Mac return from Russia after they find out what happened to his dad.  Mac comes to some decisions and Harm tries to settle some issues.

Rating:  PG because of language in this part.  Probably an R to NC-17 in following parts

Feedback:  Yes, please.  A note to show your like or even any constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated.  

Miramar

1630

                        Harm was waiting for Mac's transport back to DC to leave.  He didn't want to leave Mac.  She had been his rock as he found out about his Dad.  She had held him in her arms all night the night before while he alternately slept and cried.  She had held his hand and rubbed his back during the flight back, and he was grateful for the contact.  He knew there was going to be a lot they had to talk about.  There was still another man's ring on her hand, but he decided that he wasn't going to stand by anymore and let Mic go unchallenged.  Mac was going to realize exactly what Harm felt for her.  If she honestly didn't feel the same, then he would find a way to get past that, but he never had a friend before that would go to the lengths she had for him and she did try to explain her feelings on a ferry in Sydney.  

                        "Sailor…. Harm…. Harmon" Mac called to him, noticing him drifting off into his thoughts.  "You okay?"  She hated the thought of leaving him.  He needed her right now and what was she doing?  You are getting on a flight to see your fiancé who has been worried about you.  Somehow that thought didn't contain the urgency that staying with Harm did.  "Do you want me to stay for a few days Harm?  I have leave, I don't have to go back."  She asked.

                        He swallowed the lump in his throat that appeared at her obvious concern and willingness to put off seeing Mic for a few days if she thought that he needed her.  "I am okay.  I am going to head over to Mom's.  I have to tell her."  At that thought the lump in his throat came back.

                        Mac knew her best friend, and she knew he wanted nothing more than for her to stay.  Although her mind was made up, that once she got back to Washington, Mic would get an apology along with his ring back, in fact she had already slipped it off and tucked it safely in her pocket, but if Harm wanted her, he was going to have to ask.  Even for this.  One word, just 'stay' would suffice, but he would have to voice it.  

                        She watched him turn and walk away, and she headed towards the transport.  

La Jolla

                        Harm parked his rented car and was met at the door by his stepfather.  One look at Harm's face, and Frank knew the news he brought.  Although he knew that Trish had long believed that her first husband was dead, it would bring up old wounds and some fresh ones.  His stepson looked like he had been put through the ringer.  He took Harm's sea bag from him and they entered the house.  

                        "Welcome home s… Harm" Frank caught himself saying 'son', as he often did, Harm had long since stopped contradicting him when he did it, but right now he felt he shouldn't.  

                        "It's okay Frank.  I…."  Harm couldn't get anything else out, but he wanted to thank his stepfather not only for what he had done for him in Russia, but for putting up with him when he was a teenager, to apologize to him for all the times that he had been an ass to him.  

                        Frank saw the turmoil in Harm's eyes, but he also saw the apology, and the thanks.  "Come here son" he said as he wrapped his stepson in a strong hug.  

                        This was how Trish found them, standing in the foyer.  Harm crying softly against his stepfather's shoulder, muttering apologies, hugging him as tightly.  Frank sensed Trish's presence and looked up at her.  At his movement Harm stepped back from his stepfather's arms and went to his mother.

                        He took her hands in his, and wished that Mac was standing beside him.  Somehow he was stronger when she was beside him, and he needed that strength now, he needed her presence, her touch.  

                        "Mom, I found out about Dad.  He was sent to Russia, but was killed there saving a woman from being raped."  He decided not to tell her the year it happened, not unless she asked.  That was his burden to bear, the fact that he felt he didn't try hard enough, maybe he could have found his father before he was killed.  

                        He took his mother into his arms, trying to hold back his own tears, once again reverting to trying to be the strong one for her.  After awhile of just holding onto one another, his mother stepped back. 

                        "I was just about ready to go start supper.  You are staying?"  she asked her son.

                        "Yeah, I have a couple of weeks leave left, I was going to spend some time here."  He responded, his eyes already staring out the window towards the sea.  

                        As Frank and his mother headed towards the kitchen to make supper, Harm made his way out onto the deck, lost in his thoughts, his grief, and his guilt.

                        "He looks so lost Frank.  I don't think even Grandma Sarah is going to be able to reach him.  I don't know what to do."  Trish sobbed.  The tears she shed earlier were not really for her first husband, nor were they now.  She had cried for him years ago, her tears now were for her son.  Her son who could never let go of his father, to let go of the dream someday he would come home to him, and now was being forced to do so.  Frank took his wife into his arms, hurting himself at his helplessness to do anything to relieve the pain his wife and his stepson were going through.  The doorbell interrupted them.  

                        "I'll get it.  You just try to cook those veggie burgers without adding salt." He tried to tease Trish as he wiped away her tears.  

                        Frank looked at the beautiful Marine Colonel who stood outside the door, looking nervous and anxious.  "You have to be Mac" he said as he reached for her hand, "I am Frank, Harm's step dad.  Come on in.  Trish…."  He called for his wife, remembering her earlier worry about not being able to reach Harm.  He had a feeling that if anyone was going to do it, it would be this woman.  

                        "This is my wife Trish."

                        "Pleased to meet you sir, ma'am" Mac responded, her eyes seeking out the tall flyboy that had left her at the airport.  

                        "None of that, Trish and Frank will do.  I thought Harm said you were going back to DC to see your fiancé?"

                        Mac smiled sadly.  "First of all, there is no more fiancé.  Second, I am worried about Harm.  He told me to go, but I just, I just couldn't.  He….I don't mean to be rude, but where is he?"

                        Trish smiled, "Out on the deck, through that way", she directed Mac out to where her son was still standing, staring out at the ocean.  Then she stepped back so that she could discreetly watch their interaction.

                        "Trish, shouldn't we get back to the kitchen…." Frank said, gently prodding her.

                        "Wait Frank, I need to see this."

                        Harm didn't even hear the glass doors slide open as Mac walked out onto the deck.  She stopped behind him, now a bit unsure if she had made the right decision, but as she saw the slight shake of his shoulders and a soft sniffle, she knew she had.  She walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.  "Easy there Sailor" She said as she felt him jump at her contact.  There was no other explanation, other than he was hallucinating, he knew that.  He had taken her to the airport so she could go to Mic.  Slowly he turned around in her embrace, praying for her to be real.  

                        "Harm, are you okay?"  Mac asked at the strange look that had settled on his tear stained face.

                        "You are here, but I thought you were going back to DC?"  He asked incredulously.  

                        "I couldn't go, no more than you could ask me to stay even though I knew you wanted me too.  I am just sorry that I didn't leave that airport with you."  Mac said as she reached up and wiped the tears from his face.  As she reached up with her left hand to wipe the right side of his face, something registered with him that something was missing.  He grabbed her hand, and saw no engagement ring.  Anger combined with more guilt swept through him.

                        "What happened to your ring?  Did Mic breakup with you because of what happened- because you followed me to Russia?  Or, that you didn't come right back to DC?"  

                        "Not everything is your fault Harm.  He doesn't even know I am not on my way to DC.  I took the ring off.  It isn't what I want.  Yes, I want a family, but I want it with someone who I am in love with, not someone that I just have deep feelings for.  I can't marry Mic, but that isn't really an issue here.  I came back to see how you were doing and by the looks of things, you aren't doing so well."

                        "I am doing better now that you are here Mac." He said as he hugged her to him.  A part of him was still unwilling to believe that she wasn't a hallucination.  Also, part of him still reeling from her telling him she wasn't going to marry Mic, but unable to process all of that through the grief he was still dealing with over his father.  "Don't let go of me Sarah" he whispered as he felt tears coming on again.

                        There wasn't another response Mac could think of, other than to tighten her arms around him.  They stood like that, holding each other up until Harm's mother called them in for supper.

                        "I'm not really hungry Mom" Harm said, but gave a short laugh when he felt Mac's stomach growl against his, "But I think this Marine could do with some chow". 

                        "Harm, you have barely eaten anything in a couple of days.  Let's go in and try to eat something." Mac whispered to him, not wanting his mother to hear, although if he didn't make a serious effort at eating, she would let Trish know. 

                        Harm heard her unspoken thought, and they headed in for the table.  Harm managed to eat a veggie burger to Mac's two.  There wasn't much conversation at the table and afterward, Mac and Harm volunteered to clean up.  While wiping the dishes, he noticed Frank alone outside on the deck.  Mac watched him as he looked at Frank.

            "Go on Sailor" she said as she nudged him in the direction of the deck.  

            "What do I say to him Mac?  For all he did for us in Russia, for all he did for me and mom while I was growing up, for all the crap I put him through, for all the time I didn't see the man he truly is just because I was holding onto an image of a man I never really knew?"

            "The words thank you might be a start, Harm.  Probably they don't seem like much, but I bet they would mean the world to him and your mother."  Mac suggested.  

            He turned to go, but then came back and captured her face in his hands, leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, murmuring, "Thank you Sarah".  He stood up, gave her a small smile and was out the door before she could even move.

            Harm walked out onto the deck, and leaned his forearms on the railing and looked out towards the sea.  

            "I don't know where to start Frank…."  Harm ventured

            "Don't worry about it Harm.  You are back safe and I gather you found some answers to questions that have plagued you your whole life.  Questions, that, in some measure, kept you from finding happiness.  If I helped you in finding those answers, I am happy and that is all I need."  Frank interrupted.  Neither man looking directly at one another, but at a far point out in the water.

            Harm was again stunned by this man.  He had done nothing but harass this man while he grew up, try to come between him and his mother in anyway he could, but not only had Frank overlooked that, but loved him all the same, had been there for him whether Harm had wanted to admit it or not at the time, had been there for his mother, truly loved his mother enough to welcome a son into his heart who growing up offered him nothing back but disdain.  

            To his dismay, the tears started again as he realized that although Harmon Rabb Sr. had biologically been his father, had raised him until the age of six, it was this man, Frank Burnett who now stood in front of him, that had been a father to him in more ways that Harm Sr. ever was and by circumstance, ever could be and that his accepting Frank wouldn't be an insult to Harm Sr.'s memory.  He placed his large hand down on top of Frank's.  

            "No, I have to say this.  I am so sorry for all the shit I put you through.  I am sorry for all the times I threw the memory of Harm Sr. in your face when all you did was try to be there for me.  You never tried to take his place, in my anger I couldn't see that then.  I know this apology is way too many years in coming, maybe too late, but I am sorry, and you deserve much more than a thank you for putting up with me, and for helping me out then and now, but thank you."  Harm's voice faded to a whisper as emotion overcame him, but needing to get more across to this man.  "In actuality, I am lucky, I have two dads, and I was too blind to see it and too stubborn to accept it, but I am lucky and honored to have you as a stepfather,  Fr… Dad?" Harm said as he met the older man's eyes which had tears of his own falling from them at Harm's words.  There was a short silence as Frank took in the meaning of Harm's words, but then he opened his arms to his step son.

            "I could never take the place of Harm Sr., not in your heart, nor your mother's, but I always have viewed you as a son to me, that never changed, no matter what stunt you pulled, and I can laugh at most of them now, I am proud to call you my son, and honored that you would look at me as a second father to you." He whispered to the man he held in his arms.  "You don't have to call me Dad, but if you want to, then I am more than happy to have you do so".

            Harm laughed shakily as he straightened from Frank's embrace.  "Well, I am quite sure it will shock Mom, but if you don't mind…."  Harm let his sentence trail, now a bit uncertain of what Frank would think, after almost 30 years of him calling him Frank, and that was when he was on his best behavior.

            "You are right about that one, and no I most certainly do not mind.  Speaking of your mother, I think I can feel her eyes on us, don't look but she and your partner are watching us from the kitchen window."


End file.
